Odium
by MizuMiko
Summary: Kikyo's side of the Inu/Kag/Kik love triangle.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu-Yasha or any of its characters. If I did, I would be a far richer woman.  
  
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I know that you all think I'm awful. It's okay. If I were you, I'd probably hate me too. But try to look at it from my point of view.  
  
He was mine first. Mine. He loved ME first. Not her. Never her. She's just a shadow of who I was. Who I am. How would you feel? How would you feel to see your first love, your ONLY love, chasing after a replica of you? That's all she is after all. Just a replica, a copy. I was the one who made him love. I was the one who made him trust. Not her. I was the one who broke through his tough shell and softened his heart. He loves because of me. He feels because of me. He trusts because of me.  
  
I gave him love. . . and what did I get in return? Death. I died. I died while he lived on. Lived on to love again. I put in all the work and SHE gets all the benefits. I changed him from who he was, what he was. I made him, yet she gets to enjoy him. It's not fair. I ask again, how would you feel? How would you feel if you were brought back to life against your will and the one you loved would have preferred you stay dead? That he'd moved on and chosen a mere image of you over the real you? That's what he did after all. That's what he told me.  
  
The first day I was brought back, he held onto me as I dangled over that cliff and he told me to return to HER body. To die so that she would live. I loved him, more than I ever loved anyone else, and he wanted me to die so that his new love could live. I wouldn't though. How could I? I had had both my life and my love ripped away from me years ago; I was not going to let it happen again.  
  
You may think that I don't love him anymore, but I do. I love him and I hate him at the same time. I love him for what we had and I hate him for what SHE'S done to our relationship. He should be with me, it's just that simple. Where I go, he will go. He promised me that, all those many years ago. He owes me that. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Inu-Yasha."  
  
He whips around at the sound of my voice. I've startled him, he's not used to that. Everyone thinks that he can smell anyone that's near him. That's a lie. Just like any other animal, if you stand downwind of him then he can't pick up your scent. Not many people know this. I do because I know him better then anyone else, better then he knows himself.  
  
I've been watching him for months now. I hide in the bushes and watch him from a distance. Sometimes I get close enough that I could touch him if I want, but I never do. I just watch him, him and that girl.  
  
"Kikyo?"  
  
He looks at me with those sad amber eyes. I watch the emotions play across them. Surprise, regret, confusion, suspicion; they're all there. I take a step forward and he instinctively stiffens. He raises his foot, preparing to back away from me. I smile.  
  
"Are you afraid of me, Inu-Yasha?"  
  
Aware of his movements now, he stops his backwards descent and straightens.  
  
"No. I would never be afraid of you, Kikyo."  
  
We stare at each other for a minute and then he asks the question that has been gnawing at him since the moment I appeared by his side.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
I turn my head and stare off into the woods.  
  
"I sensed a jewel shard near here."  
  
I watch out the corner of my eye for his reaction.  
  
"Oh."  
  
There is a tinge of disappointment in his voice and I turn my head even more, so that he doesn't see me smile. I keep my voice cool as I speak.  
  
"You sound disappointed Inu-Yasha. What? Did you think I came here because I missed you?"  
  
He snorts but I can tell by his stance that he's hurt. His body's stiff again and his ears twitch.  
  
"No, I would never make that mistake."  
  
I look over at him.  
  
"There are worst mistakes to make."  
  
He turns at my words and my eyes catch his. Confusion and suspicion are reflected there, but also hope. I smile. It's that hope that I'm counting on. 


	3. Chapter 3

"I miss you."  
  
I've been meeting with Inu-Yasha for about a month now. We have short, halted conversations. He's becoming less tense around me but I can still sense some suspicion in him. We talk about several things during these small meetings in the woods. We talk about everything except for our relationship. Our relationship and her. Those are the only two things we do not mention.  
  
As he turns to leave, to go back to her, again, I say it. Barely a whisper but I know he hears me. His ears twitch and he pauses. He turns slowly towards me  
  
Her scent is one him. He doesn't know I can tell. I don't have heightened senses like he does but I have other powers, powers he couldn't even begin to comprehend. Her aura surrounds him, clings to him, stains him. He's been with her. More than once, I'm sure of it. Before, before all of this happened, he told me that I was his only. The only one he wanted, the only one he had ever been with, the only one he would ever need.  
  
He lied.  
  
"I miss us. I miss how we used to be."  
  
"Kikyo." He begins.  
  
He's wary.  
  
I advance slowly, taking delicate steps. "We were cheated. Cheated of each other."  
  
His eyes reflect my words. I know he's had the same thoughts.  
  
"I know it can never be like before. I know we can't just go back and pretend like everything is fine."  
  
I stop only a foot in front of him.  
  
"I just thought, maybe," I bow my head, tears I shouldn't be capable of forming in my eyes, "maybe we could try. Try to make it work."  
  
He places his fingers under my chin and raises my gaze to meet his.  
  
"Kikyo, I," he frowns, there's no need, I already know what he's going to say, "It's not that simple. There are.complications."  
  
"I know. Kagome." He visibly stiffens. This is the first time I've ever dared to mention her name. I pull back from him and turn away.  
  
"I know about you two. I know there's something there."  
  
I look over my shoulder, eyes brimming with tears.  
  
"I was just hoping that there was still something between us as well."  
  
"Kikyo."  
  
He closes the short distance between us and I smile as I feel his hands on me. My name. So much is told in the way he said my name. 


End file.
